Growth

I used to aimlessly yearn for a life that no longer existed. In that life I was young, sadness was a foreign relative that rarely came to visit, and I floated peacefully in blissful ignorance. The new life is the one where my sister was diagnosed with cancer, where I moved across the country, and slowly watched her die.

I have fiercely resisted this new life. It has taken me oceans of helpless crying, mind numbing confusion, earth shattering loneliness to stop resisting the strength, the gratitude, the understanding that comes with my new life.

Now when the tears come, the peace sits besides them. When the anger fills up in my chest, the smile also illuminates my face. When the naivety surfaces, the wisdom accompanies her.

So while I am only two physical years older, it feels as if I have aged lifetimes. And it makes me wonder, what growth awaits me on all the August 22nd’s that have yet to come?