The Contentment Conundrum
It’s 2:11am and my thoughts are frantically hurtling themselves through the deepest layers of my mind. I’m overtaken by the fear of not being heard, the fear of not being validated, the fear of not being remembered. Over 80% of people in the United States use social media, over 3.5 billion people worldwide. So how do you tackle the radical task of disconnecting yourself from the flow?
I start with santosha, the second yogic niyama or observance. Santosha, in its simplest form, means “contentment.” “Contentment” is defined as “a state of happiness and satisfaction.” I want to ask you honestly - how often have you felt a state of happiness and satisfaction while using social media? Do you believe these platforms were created with your individual satisfaction and happiness in mind?
Everytime something monumental like a job offer, an engagement, a pregnancy, a loss, a vacation occurs - we jump to posting about it for the rest of the world to celebrate or grieve with us. We end up forgetting the profound meaning that arises from an experience being ours. In the blink of an eye this experience no longer belongs to you. It’s been fragmented into thousands of smaller, less significant pieces and passed out to hundreds of people that you think you know but you don’t really know. All so you can share a communal surface level reaction and you can maybe feel validated in your life. But do you ever end up feeling content?
I often think of my relationship with my partner. We’ve been together for a couple years but I’ve never explicitly shared anything about him on social media. I’ve come close many times, ironically always during moments of relational hardship. I always get pulled back by the same conviction. What he and I experience is between him and I. It belongs to us, and I actually have no interest in inviting other people to join. Pulling others into our relationship naturally pushes us out. I’d much rather live in a space that allows just the two of us to deeply appreciate the happiness and satisfaction we share. There simply isn’t room for everyone.
There’s a quote by Thich Naht Hahn that talks about pragmatism. It reads “If you look at the flower so you can make the most of your art, you cannot be in touch with the flower. Abandon all your projects so you can be with the flower with no intention of exploiting it or getting something from it. Just to be with a flower, without thinking to ask for its support, is a work of art.” When I snap a quick picture of something eye-catching to share on social media, I’ve instantly devalued the object down to something that only serves me, we no longer coexist. In the past week, I have found a deep beauty in the unembellished world. I no longer succumb to the compulsion of taking the picture. I no longer submit to meaningless, hollow validation. The simple act of appreciation with no expectation or need to utilize makes the whole world more vivid. I want to live in a world where grasping senselessly is foreign memory, where we cherish rather than take.
It’s 3:15am. The noise has quieted but my verdict stays the same. I know wholeheartedly it’s time to say goodbye. Goodbye to the comparison game, the constant cycle of noise and information, the doom scrolling, the pulling away from my physical reality, the inability to concentrate, the voice telling me I’m not doing enough. Because when I kindly settle my palms over my chest, tenderly soften my eyes, and patiently sit still, suddenly I can hear the silent world ushering me back home. I am happy. I am satisfied. I am free.
